My Brother is Driving Me Nuts! Part 2.

Remember my "very clean" brother? Well, yesterday, he really outdid himself. I swore that for every cartridge, there was at least 1 bar of ink left. I checked. And, as usual, before every print job, my dear Brother went through his cleanliness routine. He cleaned himself so much that he used up all the available ink and left me stranded for my print job. ARGH! So now, I'm out of ink, and out of "print" job. This is just GREAT! Thanks to my dear Brother....

My Brother is a Cleanliness FREAK!

Here I am, dying to get my post printed out, in black and white, so that I can use it tomorrow, and then crawl into bed. BUT! My dear brother just has to clean himself! ARGH! Every time I ask him to perform a task, he will clean himself for at least 5-10 minutes before setting his mind to it! What's his problem! Is there a need to do that?! I can't stand his freakish habit!

Still, being such a cleanliness freak sure beats the Epson. My last Epson got so clogged up that the nozzles couldn't be used. That's how I ended up with Brother. But then again, nothing could beat my faithful HP. He slogged and slaved for me for a good 3 years before he decided that enough was enough. He hung up his inks and went into permanent hibernation. How I miss him!

After my clean little brother expires, I will go back to HP. Nothing beats good old HP....

The Lazy Person's Way to Tackle a Toastmaster's Project

Yes yes yes. I'm a dead duck. Tomorrow will be the long awaited day to articulate my Toastmaster's Project 2 speech. It's much anticipated, considering that I did my Project 1 speech, 1 year back. Procrastination kicks in ever so often.

Now, I can almost see the back of my head with my eyelids being strongly magnetised to the lower side of my eye sockets. My brain can hardly function with less than 8 hours of much needed Zzzzz...

I have, thus, decided to plagarise my own blog and rattle out the post on MRT habits tomorrow. Heck! I figure that since it's good enough to be read, it should be good enough to recite. But, I wonder if it's good enough to win the much coveted Speaker's award. It will be a miracle, since it's a such a 13th hour work. Oh well, just to get myself through the process. Project 2 here I come!

"Elevated" View

Feeling very satisfied after a full "Fei Siong" (Char Bee Hoon = Fried Noodles) meal, I joined a couple who were waiting for the elevator to arrive. As usual, when the elevator arrived, the LED lit up and the most logical thing to do, was to walk in. The guy (uncle) turned to the lady (auntie) and asked her,"Is this going up or down?" She turned to me (DUH!) and asked me "up or down?"

1. Shouldn't she be asking the people IN the lift?! (At that time, people were spilling out of the lift.)
2. We were at Plaza Singapura, Level B2! (If you are not familiar with Plaza Singapura, that is the lowest level.) YOU tell me whether it's going up or down! Going down the lift shaft at this point of time would be highly life threatening!!

Anyway, I forced my eyeballs from rolling and answered her with a straight face, "UP."

So, we all went in... happily... While in the elevator, SHE gave ME the incredulous look! As if I were the idiot! She probably peeked at the buttons on the panel.

Sheesh! I heard that suppressing one's natural reactions is unhealthy, it's probably as bad as stiffling your urge to go to the toilet. I should have told her,"Auntie, this is the lowest level. I hope the lift doesn't go down anymore." and give her the "you are siao" look.

Morning! You are Early!

"Morning! You are Early!"
Isn't there a strange morning greeting?! What's even stranger is, I am there, at the same time, at the same seat every single day. The strangest thing is, the people who usually say that, are never this early.

I find it as senseless as "Have you eaten today?" Of course, I have eaten today! If I don't eat every day, you won't have the chance to speak to me, right? I mean, if you have nothing better to say, then just smile (practise our Singapore's 4 million smiles campaign) and walk off, instead of saying something lame for the sake of saying something.

Some poor excuses of conversation fillers:
1. Have you eaten?
2. Have you eaten and are you full? (DUH! Most commonly used by people of the older generation)
3. Are you working today? (When you are in a suit and carrying a laptop. Gosh, no, I'm wearing the suit for fun and I'm actually carrying my laptop around to watch YouTube and to play Age of Empire!)
4. Is your work very tiring? (No, it's certainly a breeze.)
5. When are you getting a boyfriend? (The inevitable question, if you are still single.)
6. When are you getting married? (After you have satisfied Qn 5, they go on to the next one.)
7. When are you getting your first baby? (A followup question for qn 6)
8. When are you getting your next baby? (Yet, another followup questions to qn 7. I mean, is it part of their business if I'm getting a boyfriend, a husband, a baby or yet another baby or a divorce etc?! Sheesh! Why don't they ask me when's my birthday and give me a present for it?!)

These are the more commonly asked questions. Will add on to the list when I think of more.

Clip Clop Heels

Gone were the days when I possessed only 1 pair of brown heels and 1 pair of black heels (to match my meagre wardrobe which consisted of black/beige clothes), since Yinghui introduced me to strappy heels. Now, I have a few pairs in varying degrees of brown and black. Hah! (So if you happen to spy someone dressed in black or brown, that's moi!) Ok ok, go ahead and yawn at my boring wardrobe.

Anyway, to walk down a flight of stairs on a pair of strappy heels and to maintain the elegant posture, it takes a lot of patience and skill - 2 qualities absent from the very core of me. Therefore, imagine me, grimacing as I attempted my light-footed walk down the stairs, just to keep the decibels down. Picture the internal stress that it caused in me. I was almost experiencing a nervous breakdown, every time I come to a flight of stairs.

So, recently, I have given up all attempts to look ladylike and walking lightly down. What the heck! I simply bounced down the stairs in my normal manner and took pride in the deafening "clack clack" made by my heels. I received a few shocked looks from my fellow stair-walkers. Hey! It only gave me a chance to smile at them and make their day/night! Why not!

Therefore, I have resolved that I shall walk loudly and make the presence of my strappy heels known! If you want to walk down the stairs, why do it like a mouse?! Make it loud and clear and known!

I have just been stood up again... By my very own consultant. I'm going to box his ears when I see him on Monday. HMPF!

Another purpose for blogging is for cursing people! YOU ^%$%@#$#@ mangy dog! So there! I feel so much better... This is what happens when you get so bored, you start talking gibberish to yourself.

Youth or Middle-aged?

I have never pondered over this question before, until, one fine Sunday, when I went shopping at Plaza Singapura.

The hunt for a birthday gift brought me to an accessories shop at Plaza Sing. (What's new?! I'm here every Sunday! Haha! So now you know, all my gifts were bought from here.) There was an array of glass necklaces, earrings etc. A very friendly teenybopper salesgirl bounded up to me and cheerfully asked me if I needed her service. Why not??

Ahwei: I'm looking for a birthday present for my friend. Maybe a bracelet.
Salesgirl: Let me show you some nice ones. (She brought out a few.)
Ahwei: I'm thinking of getting her something which she can wear to work and all these look too casual.
Salesgirl: Maybe you could give me a description of what your friend looks like so that I can make some recommendations.
Ahwei: Well, she is description.
Salesgirl: How old is she?
Ahwei: Around 30.
Salesgirl: Oh, she's middle aged. I have some suirable ones for her. (She said it absolutely candidly and with conviction!!!)

Hmm..... Darn! Have I just left my youth behind and moved into middle age without knowing it?! *sob sob*

Sheesh.. I have always thought that middle age refered to at least age 40, since the expectancy of humans has stretched to age 80....

Feeling very perturbed over this, I checked an online dictionary (not only that, it's a MEDICAL dictionary!!). Here's what it said :

mid·dle age
n.

The time of human life between youth and old age, usually reckoned as the years between 40 and 60. Also called midlife.

Source: The American Heritage® Stedman's Medical Dictionary
Copyright © 2002, 2001, 1995 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company.

So there! I'm right!! I'm still about 10 years (if you count the lower limit and another 30 years from the upper limit) away! So I'm still a youth!!

Tsk tsk! I should buy the salesgirl a dictionary... The English standard of the young youths in Singapore is deplorable....

Hair Problem Rectification Attempt!!

After suffering 4 days of criticisms, I felt that enough was enough. It's time to take some measures to right the fault.

Upon a recommendation, I hastened my way to Chinatown point (in dark shades and turban to lessen the possibility of being recognised) to get my fringe re-shaped.

While surveying the damage, the hairdresser asked, "Aiyo! Which hairdresser did you go to?! Why cut your fringe until sooo shoooort???!!!!"
Ahwei: Yalor Yalor! Lousy hor! Next time don't want to go there again!! (Who in the right mind would confess to this horrific crime?! So I decided to blame it on an imaginery person.)
Hairdresser: Please! Next time don't ask your hairdresser to cut until so short!! Not nice!! (Made some tsk tsk sounds) I will try to thin it. Next time when your fringe grows back longer, then I cut it nicely for you. Ok??

The fringe now looks a wee bit better than before. It will be another few months before I can get it styled again......

Hair Raising Experience?! The Very Opposite!!

I declare that this would be the very last time I would ever go to this hairdresser!! NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN!!

For weeks, I was looking at the world through the gaps in my fringe (sort of reminded me of those white and grey shaggy dogs) and as usual, I procrastinated getting it cut (what's new??). So one very day, I resolved to go to the nearest QB station to get my $10 haircut. They cut really decently for $10, serious!! However, I was soon talked out of it by Brenda and Julie, who declared that it's a total waste to spend 10 whole bucks, merely on trimming my fringe!!!! They convinced me on the merits of cutting my own hair, citing that it was not only simple (any idiot can do it) but it's also free....

I should have read Napolean Hill earlier. One of his chapters mentioned that Millionaires make their decisions quickly and chanage them slowly. Sigh....

So, I got ready the tool of the trade (bought a pair of scissors from Guardian because the scissors at home have developed teeth...) and prepared myself for life-changing event.

I carefully combed my fringe so that every strand of hair fell into place and delicately snipped it off, just below my eyebrows with 2 quick snips. That was easy and quick, ya??!! Feeling rather proud of myself, I took another view of it in the mirror and SHIIITTT!!! My fringe has shrunk above my eyebrows!!!!! I looked, and still does, absolutely TUT (slang for country bumpkin)!!

I realised that when I was cutting my hair, I was actually looking up, so, as a natural reflex, my eyebrows were raised. Therefore, I was actually measuring the length of my fringe against the raised eyebrows. Mystery solved.

All great people have to go through failures and jibes from the public. SO I braced myself and have since lived through 2 days of jibes and jeers. I have decidedly sacrificed myself for the good of the world, by providing them with good, clean entertainment for 2 whole days and a few more days to come. Meanwhile, I have just learnt that XO aids hair growth.....

P.S. Julie mentioned that I should have snipped my fringe in layers and not in 2 clean snips..... Just a word of advice for people who decide to take their hairs in their own hands.....

Oooi! Where's my drink? I can count up to 4!!


I know I know, it's sinful to eat KFC. Believe me, I have repented in the last few days and have been feeling very remorseful since.

But but, it was really tiring to go through one whole hour of saxophone class, so i decided to reward myself with a dose of KFC. I was patiently waiting for my order to be assembled when a voice boomed behind me,"Look here!" An uncle in T-shirt and berms was poking aggressively at his KFC discount coupons (almost making holes in them) and without a polite word of "excuse me", he started barking at the cashier.

"I ordered this, this and this so I should get 4 drinks, why did you only give me 3?! If I didn't count (as if it was so difficult to count from 3 to 4... duh.. wonder where he went to receive his primary school education), you would have CHEATED me of 1 drink!!"

I was just wondering, was his one miserable drink so expensive that KFC had to resort to cheating him out of it and he had to shout at someone about it. Sheesh...

The poor girl apologised fervently and gave him one drink. He threw her a malevolent look and stormed off. Gosh! What an attitude!! Who did he think he was?? It's just a drink, for goodness' sake...

Anyway, being nosier than usual, I took a seat near to his happy little family which consisted of him, his wife and 2 children. Throughout the whole meal, not many words were exchanged and he continued eating with a sour look on his face. At that point of time, I regretted (again..) that I didn't buy a camera phone, so that I could snap his face on the spot and post it here!!! Ack!

Didn't look like there was much communication going on there, and I wondered why... It would like quite strange if I were alone and was communicating with myself, but i can't imagine eating my lunch in silence if there were 3 other people I know around me.

So, there I was, feeling pity for the counter girl and "kapoing" at them from the corner of my eyes. He finished first and started digging at his teeth.. IN PUBLIC!! (regretted not buying a camera phone, again..) Feeling something beneath his slippers, he turned it up and... flicked a little bit of chicken stuck to the sole with his finger (YES! THE SAME ONE HE USED TO DIG AT HIS TEETH!) and then... he DUG AT HIS TEETH AGAIN! EEeewwww....!!!!

This was a typical someone who had no sense of hygiene and thought that he could scold others just because he could count more than 3 and had the money to buy KFC. Duh!! An interesting thought popped up,"Would his children grow up to be like him?" *Shiver* He just multiplied himself by 2x...(2 children mah! Can't you count??!!)

Where have you gone to?

It all happened on a Friday morning... KL was recounting to Kirk about my German hamster's (the nationality being its place of birth) escapades and the rest of my silly stories on my.. blog, before she exclaimed, "Hey! Is your blog still around!!??"

Oh yeah.. I do still have a blog. Although it's been at the back of my mind lately. Either I do not have any humourous stories to narrate or when one actually pops by, I have no time to pen it down and eventually, it deserts me.

As I went down memory lane just now, going through what I had written, I was really quite surprised with myself. Can I actually reproduce that now?

Oh my Humourous self, where have you gone?????